My winning email on 1 vs 100 on Xbox Live

So, I was just playing 1 vs 100 on Xbox Live (which is SO much fun), and Chris Cashman was giving away copies of the awesome (from everything I've heard) Live Arcade game, Shadow Complex. The challenge was simply to email in a good reason why you deserve a copy of the game. But he said no sob stories, so that pretty much ruled out the fact that I was laid off yesterday, and that he was mostly looking for the most clever or funny reason we deserved a copy of the game.

That got me thinking. What could I write that would be funny enough to get their attention? Occasionally I manage to write something funny, but I was short on time and had to come up with something fast.

So then I remembered The Drabblecast's recent Nigerian Spam Scam contest, where people wrote some damn clever parodies of the well-known Nigerian emails. I figured what the hell, it was a unique angle on the idea, so I quickly threw something together and sent it in and waited patiently.

He read a few entries, most of which didn't win, and then revealed that they were getting so flooded with entries that they were now up to over 3,000 emails! I knew there was no chance I could win with that many people writing in. I simply wasn't that clever.

And then I heard my name on TV. Well, not my real name, but my gamertag, TheTurboFool. Chris Cashman began to read my message live to over 50,000 people. Sure enough, they loved it, and I was the second winner of the night! And I don't remember him reading off any others, so if anyone else did win, they were only contacted by email.

So here, unedited, with typos and all, is what I sent in. Given more time I probably could have made it much, much funnier, but it did the trick:

Dear kind sir Cashman,

I bit you fare do from the majestic heartful land that is glorious
republic of Nigeria. I inform you that our grand leader, the honorable
Motombu Lalalalalalaling has past to the great orchard in the sky due
to long battle with boredom.

It is ours to understand that he had no family to pass his fortune.
But it has been our attention brought that your kindness and
generosity is much beyond that of television game show hosts, and we
believe you to do great things with his belongings.

In order to achieve the transmittal of his funds, we merely request
that you send along a code for the king's favorite Xbox Live Arcade
game, Shadow Complex, as proof of your devotion to goodness. Please
send game to his Gamertag at TheTurboFool in order to initiatize this
important transfer.

Thanks to your wonderful glory and unmatched loveliness,

Consult to King Motumbu and your loyal fan,

TheTurboFool

So, despite its flaws, I still won, and I'm extremely happy. I'm going to get started on the game as soon as 1 vs 100 ends, and I'll try to write in a mini review when I have time.